Lost

I'm kind of OCD about my books you could say.. I have (well I guess had) them all listed in the order in which I got them, which in turn was the order I was intending to read them. I have had this list for at least 2 years and it has been my solid ground since I made it. It may sound ridiculous to a lot of people, and I don't blame them, but this was really something I took pride in. It was all organized right there for me. I would never have to question what I was reading next because it was on the list. Well, this list happened to be on my computer and when I picked it up this morning (my computer was closed) it was just gone. I usually save it after I change anything on it so I closed the document and reopened it, praying that everything would still be in its place. This was indeed not the case. I have other lists in this document as well, but only the one most important to me is now gone. I am seriously at a loss; there was over 300 books on that list, but I can't really find it in myself to remake it. I have no idea what order they were in, and it would take a good whole day to remake it. So now I'm asking myself after all this time, 'What would it feel like to just... pick out a book?' I know this is a daily occurrence for most readers, they don't rely on a list to rule their bookish life, but I did. Now I am planning to do something I haven't done in years: just pick out a book at random. This is going to be so weird for me, but I think it will be a good change. Books are such a huge part of my life, so, in turn, so was this list. Now it's completely gone and I am forcing myself out of my comfort zone, but I think it will be good for me. Maybe I can actually be like a normal reader now.